in the middle of the night

oh, man. i love the simplest things that happen in the middle of the night,

like when the person you're sleeping with wakes up at 3:47am, and so do you and due to a mutual restlessness, you both make love to each other.

it makes the occasion like luck, that both of you would wake up at the same time in the middle of the night and realize that the best thing to do is commence to the lovin'. yum.

and i came deliciously.

sex: the quiet challenge

i realized that after being raised to be a outgoing-conservative who was not allowed to have boys upstairs or in my room (yeah, that didn't work.), my parents now stay the hell away from my room if my boyfriend is over and the door is closed.

yeah, i still live at home. i'm broke and in college and i don't wanna pay rent. and my mom doesn't want me paying rent somewhere else either.

anyways, i used to keep all sexual activity outside of the home, then, i did it but only when they weren't home, then i'd have sex when they were asleep, and since i figured this out i started having sex in my room at all times of the day...mostly because i'm impatient and i don't wanna wait.

when i was younger i was always really afraid that my dad knew every bad thing i was up to, so i could possibly get in trouble for just thinking about it, then i found out that they don't know everything, now i know they know i'm having sex...but they look the other way.

i feel like it's because i'm older now and they gave up on trying to control me a while ago, plus i'm responsible and not pregnant, plus i know they like this boyfriend better than the last one so it irks them less to see him when they wake up in the morning.

however, sex at my house is always a little thrill for me, because i call it "the quiet challenge". it's that adrenaline rush of, "his balls feel nice on my ass, i wonder if anyone can hear this..." i love it. while my boyfriend is always happy to get sex, he's not so excited by the quiet challenge because he loves how loud i get at his house (the neighbors clapped once after our "performance").

today, i sucked him off since i really appreciated how he brought me a study package of my favorite snacks (btw, boyfriend, if you ever find this, bring me a fruit smoothie...you're making me fat! haha.). i swear, every time i send him off i just wonder if my dad is thinking something like, "that damn girl again...."

he may not say anything, but i know he's not stupid.

my highest wish...

...is that everyone get the love and care they deserve...

yeah, i know that'll never happen, but i've always wanted it anyways.

it sounds silly, but when i started dating, i always felt bad having to choose one boy over everyone else, because i just wanted to give everyone some love. it always strikes me how many people are out there....just waiting, for someone to just look them in the eyes and appreciate all they have to offer.

i'm thinking about this because i watched "nanny diaries" today, and about everyone in that movie is just so damn unhappy and unappreciated.

i look back on the few posts i made and i figure someone will vomit because, i'm in love and it's making me all soft and sappy, but don't hate too much - i hope you find something such as good, the same as i hope for all of my friends, my aunt who just got a divorce, the child who's parents think money=nurturing, and everyone else.

differences

i always pay attention to the differences between
-my reactions vs. my boyfriend's
-my boyfriend's reactions vs my ex-boyfriend's

for example, i'm very conscious about not being tiresome, so i'll always ask if my boyfriend wants me to stay the night or come over. my boyfriend plays along and tells me that he does want me over but he clearly thinks it's silly of me to ask. Of course he wants to spend time with the one he loves, and in following that thought, he never asks if i want him to come over, he simply states when he is coming. However, sometimes i feel i would like to be alone...but that feeling always goes away as soon as he shows up to cuddle with me.

also, i'm conscious of not being a burden or not doing my fair share, so it takes some getting used to when my boyfriend says he loves to carry my bags or get me a cup of tea. i love that he's so gentlemanly, and i enjoy him making me feel like a lady, so i graciously allow him to help me in small ways even though it goes against what i'm used to. By now, my ex would have complained about me being lazy...but i suppose that's one of the reasons i've moved on.

still, it's so curious how happy it makes my man to do small things for me, but it is precisely this happiness that makes me love doing nice things for him. like, anal sex. just kidding. maybe.

sorry if it i sound a bit formal...i'm studying for finals and i've been reading ridiculously dense texts all day.

single vs. taken

i was talking to my friend, jorge, about whether it was better being single or taken and i had said i could go either way -

being taken, sometimes i miss:
-not thinking of myself or being thought of as a package deal
-going out and not having to check with anyone about whether it's okay or if they wanna come
-not having to justify wanting to spend a night alone
-not feeling weird about the time i spend with friends who are of the opposite sex

i don't miss:
-not having someone to cuddle with or take me out
-having to set up a booty call to get regular sex w/o sleeping around

jorge says that having a girlfriend, or significant other means:
-having an extra car available when you need it
-and something else i don't remember (i know, terrible.)

however, i can never discount how awesome it is to have someone who loves me even when i'm grumpy and feeds me all the time when i'm broke, and reaches for me first thing in the morning when he wakes up. i love having someone to shower with and see me naked, someone to make stupid jokes about armfat with, and someone to tell every stupid, random thought about.

yeah, i'm in love.

but how could i not love the man who loves to make me happy, even when i'm cranky??

just you wait...

i just thought of the perfect christmas present for the boyfriend.

i'm always picky about lingerie - it's always gotta be just right, and it always seems that just right is soooo expensive.

unless you're College Callgirl, it's hard to afford this kind of stuff, but as soon as i get the money (read: make the transition from college girl to career girl) i plan on creating a little holiday unity by combining Chanukah and Christmas into the "Eight Nights of Ooh La La!"

What do you think? Wouldn't eight nights of different, increasingly sexy lingerie be nice?

I think so.

Labels

i've created this blog because it seems like a girl just can't keep her thoughts to herself!

and yet, when you share your blog with people you know, you must prepare for one of two things:
1. prepare to censor yourself
2. prepare to get bitten in the ass for what you're really thinking

i've shared blogs with people i know in real life and i'll continue to do so...somewhere else, but i always find that i want to start fresh all the time for the same reason - i'm never completely honest in the face of what others might think, despite my sometimes carefree, i-do-what-i-want facade.

maybe sometime, someone i don't know will read this. if that's you, ill be honest - i'm dying to know what you think.

i suppose it'll be a relationship blog more than anything, since i feel like that what i'm always talking about...that and sex, haha.